To my unborn children...

I have children who have never felt sun warm their chubby little faces.  I have children in whose eyes I will never watch the light of excitement blaze wildly. There are only imagined giggles and belly laughs for some of my beloved little ones.  There are days when I look at my table heavily weighted with kids and wonder how they would have fit in with everyone else, their personalities and resemblances.  They are missed with deep aches which only a mother can feel.

Today I had to tell my children that some very close friends of ours are divorced, watching Evy in particular as her heart is fragile.  Looking in to those innocent questioning eyes....What's up Mom? they ask as she waits for my news. The innocence of a child, the wonder the trust almost dauntingly they piercing my heart.  As I told her I witnessed in those hazel eyes a little tiny death of some of that innocence.  Now filled with tears.....overflowing with tears she hugs me and cries and asks why.  This mother's heart of mine breaking as I walk in others' sin taking a toll on my innocent child.  Watching her try to comprehend that this world is not as she thought is was this morning......how can that be?  Knowing, as a 40 year old woman who has lived 40 solid years, that this is the beginning of many more disappointments due to the great net sin casts. I know this is motherhood and ease will never come, watching your children learn the devastation sin causes especially when its theirs. All we can do is know for certain that we are broken, but perfectly redeemed and praise Him for who He is.

So I rejoice that I have children who will never know the sting of death.  My heart praises the Lord that He made some of my children for His enjoyment solely.  My babes sit in the presence of the most Holy God with no idea of sin and the trail of destruction it leaves. How blessed am I to be the mother of these....

Glorious.......

The last few days I have been feeling anything BUT glorious.  God, in His kindness, is trying to teach me how to hold loosely the things of this world and I am really not interested in listening.  Well, actually, I am listening and hearing and saying I trust You and I know You do not want to harm me (Jer. 29.11), but I am saying all those things with clenched fists.

So today I decided to get out of the house and take the kids to a park.  We have lived in Lakeville for almost 4 months, all of which were winter months, so now we need to start checking out the neighboring parks.  I found one by this large lake, Lake Marion, and it was great! The lake is right there and the park had slides and swings and nets and a few mini climbing walls.....perfect! 

As I was pushing Nora on the swing she was singing the 'oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,' part from the Paul Baloche song "Glorious". So I asked her if she wanted me to play that song for her on my iPhone. She said sure! So I sat on the swing next to her and started swinging with her while we listened and sang the song. Here's what happened next:

Me: Do you want me to play it again?
Nora: No. It's a cry-ee song.
M: A what?
N: A crying song. If I listen to it again I am going to cry and I don't want to cry right now.
M: Why are you going to cry?
N: Because I will cry tears of happiness and praise to Jesus worshiping Him and I don't want to cry right now.

Silence.....crying, not from Nora but me.  In His kindness again, the Lord pulled me out of my self-centered self-pitying heart and allowed a glimpse of the Glory He is working in my sweet precious 5 year old girl......

So I will echo Paul Baloche........

Look inside the mystery
See the empty cross
See the risen Savior
Victorious and strong

No one else above Him
None as strong to save
He alone has conquered
The power of the grave

Glorious my eyes have seen
The glory of the Lord
Glorious He stands above
The rulers of the earth

Look beyond the tombstone
See the living God
See the resurrected
Ruler of my heart

No one else above Him
None to match His worth
The hope of His returning
Fills the universe

Glorious glorious
Lord, You are glorious!!!!

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
You are glorious
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
You are glorious

Arms Raised

As a mom, one of my favorite things is to see my babies when they wake up from nap time. No matter what I am doing when I hear the door creak open or pitter patter of sleepy feet I always get excited to see their sweet faces.  I can't think of one time where I didn't delight in seeing them or hearing them in their crib beckoning "come and get me" with either words or spit bubbles.

Here we are a few days ago when Jesse rose from his nap time.  I was in the bathroom and I heard his bedroom door open.....then close.....then he went in to our bedroom to see if I was there, because what else is a boy to do besides search for his Momma as soon as he wakes.  Next stop the bathroom where he finally reached his goal, me.  So there he was all messy haired, sleepy eyed, puffy lipped, warm baby, pot bellied, diaper bottomed, arms raised baby boy.

At that moment I was blessed........a picture of a child with arms raised.....what a beautiful image burned into my brain as a child of God. 

I leaned over and picked up that sweet little one and he gently rested his head on my shoulder and stuffed his arms down between his body and mine so he could stay cozy.  I sat on the floor and rocked him and kissed him and told him I loved him and asked him if he had good sleeps.  He sat there for a while soaking in my love for him then got up and ran off to play.

After he fled I stayed sitting on the floor thinking about God, my Father.  Every morning when I wake up do I naturally wander around until I find my Father? Do I instinctively search for Him? Do I long for Him?  Do I need to have my 'Father time' before I can feel ready to start my day? Then, once He is found, do I sit with Him and let Him love on me and encourage me and comfort me? 

I love the Lord.  And in His kindness He has allowed me to be a mother.  And in that kindness time after time after time after time He uses my children to speak directly to me as His child.  They act out my job as His child, and if I am paying attention I will hear His quiet voice saying 'my sweet girl, this is how you need to act towards Me'.

This time I was listening.....



HOUSE for RENT!!!!!

OK all you super connected people out there....we are trying to rent our house.  First, let me say, I LOVE MY HOUSE.  I love the location I love the layout I love the yard I love the yard in the spring I love pretty much all of it.  We are moving so we can have a little more room.....that's it.  If this place had a basement we would be staying. So with all that said let me post way too many pictures of it and put a few details about it and you can share this post with hopefully many many many many people. :)

This is the walk up to our door.

My pretty pink tree and our 'forest' and front yard.

Our side yard in the beautiful spring!

The front door. It's really private for a townhouse.

Walking in the front door our living room, dining room area.

Another living room shot with our fireplace.

Our dining room into the kitchen and an awesome bar on which I have served many meals!

Our kitchen...and I just realized I don't have a picture of my pantry which is just to the right of my refrigerator. My pantry is like three times the size of our coat closet. It is soooooooo amazing. There is so much cabinet space in this kitchen.  It will be greatly missed!

The powder room downstairs.

Then up the stairs to the second floor where there are three bedrooms a full bath and a very large shelf filled laundry room that has a new washer.

Girls room.

Upstairs bath with two very large linen closet on either side of the tub/shower.

Master bedroom (the mattress is a queen and will stay with the house) and the door you see on the right leads to a large walkin closet where Jesse slept for the first half of his life. :)

Master.

Boys room.

So, here you have it.  There is a ton of sun on the house all day. It starts in the living room and works its way through the downstairs and sets out the window in the dining room which, to me, is a delight. 

We are asking for $1350/mo. for rent and move in by Feb 1st. This date could be earlier if needed.

We live in Inver Grove Heights, a southern suburb of St. Paul.  12 minutes to the airport and Mall of America. 10 minutes to St. Paul and 16 minutes to Minneapolis. We are close to parks and bike trails and Gertens Greenhouse :). This is a fantastic location as you can do country or city in about 15 minutes. The house is just over 1500 square feet.  There is a two car garage with a workbench and cabinets plus several hanging shelves of storage of lots of STUFF!

So please if you know anyone that would be looking for a place to rent please let me know via email snjfee@yahoo.com or give us a call.  612.251.2112.

Thanks!